


Contrary to popular belief

by Lokomotiv



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dialogue-Only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 05:27:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5993155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokomotiv/pseuds/Lokomotiv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agent Romanoff keeps telling the other Avengers things about Tony that they both know aren’t true, and he can’t figure out why. So he asks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contrary to popular belief

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue only. Set some time after The Avengers, includes talk of things that happen in Iron Man 2.

> _Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I’m doing._
> 
> Tony Stark (Iron Man 2)  
> 

“Romanoff, do you have a minute?”

“What do you want, Stark?”

“I want to know why you’ve made it your mission to talk my birthday party of doom to death in front of the team.”

"I’m sorry?”

“Oh, all right then, all is forgiven. No, seriously, what is the point of bringing that specific night up over and over and _over_ again?"

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Look, I get that you don’t like me, and that the team can’t get to dependent on me because of my status as a consultant, and although I think there are better ways of making sure that doesn’t happen, you are of course free to spread whatever rumours you like about me. What I don’t understand is why you are so fixated on that particular night. I mean, wouldn’t you rather use material that you don’t know is blatantly untrue? I provide enough of it, don’t you think?”

“I still- no, now I _actually_ don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What do you mean you don’t know what I’m talking about? I’m talking about your campaign to get the other members of this team to distrust me. There’s no use denying it, because I know you know I know, and while we’re talking about that I have to offer a point of constructive criticism: you’re not exactly subtle."

“Okay, first, I’m not denying it. Second, I’m not trying to be subtle. If I were, you’d never have known what I was doing. What I _am_ doing is making sure that all my team mates are aware of your many character flaws, so that they don’t put their faith in you and are left hanging one day.”

“See, I know, that’s what I was talking about! Wait. If you’re not denying it, then what are we arguing about again?”

“You were accusing me of lying. I think.”

“Yes, right. That. It’s just that there’s really no _point_ to it, you know? I mean there are enough examples that you could give that are so much worse, and you know, actually _true_. So I don’t get why you insist on bringing up my birthday party all the time.”

“Touching a sore spot, there? I thought you didn’t care what people said about you.”

"I don’t. It just bugs me.”

“Because you’ve suddenly grown a conscience and feel bad about putting people at risk?”

“What? No. No, see, this, _this_ is what I’m talking about. I don’t get it. The rest of the team isn’t even around right now; who are you even trying to warn off? _I_ know that’s not what happened, and so do you.”

“Do I, now?”

“You were the one who convinced Fury that I intended for Rhodey to take the suit, so _yeah_ , of course you do. Why are we even talking about this?”

“The fact that your goal was half-way decent does not absolve you of responsibility for your actions in trying to achieve it.”

“What? I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about right now. What did I do that night that’s so unforgivable?”

“Do you really need me to spell it out for you? You used your suit as a party trick while drunk. That’s- You easily could have killed someone, don’t you _understand_ that?”

“But…”

“What?”

“But you said, you were the one who pointed out that I had fail-safes, I don’t understand-”

“And that’s the problem. I tell the team about that night and you roll your eyes, or laugh, or shrug. You have no concept of the danger you put everyone in, 

including yourself. You treat your tech, your suit, as a toy - something fun and sometimes useful. You don’t seem to realize that it’s also a lethal weapon!"

“No, I do know that. Believe me.”

”And yet you put it on and got wasted."

“But I didn’t.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“No, I’m serious. How do you not already know this? I was under the impression that we were all on the same page about what was really going on that night. You really believe I would put people in danger like that? What am I saying, of course you do, and it’s not an unreasonable thing to think for anyone who _hasn’t done an in-depth profile on me_. Seriously, I thought you were better at your job than that, but I guess that I win the intelligence game this time. Like so many times before.”

“What are you saying, Stark?”

“I was never drunk that night, is what I’m saying. I put on a show, because that’s what people expect me to do, and I’m very good at them. I had a few drinks, because I had to be seen drinking. And smell of alcohol, that was the only way I’d get Rhodey mad enough to actually take- But never mind that. Jarvis monitored my blood alcohol level the whole night, as he _always_ does, and as you pointed out, I have redundancies in my systems. I can’t operate the armor if I’m drunk. Jarvis shuts it down or takes over. I _know_ you know this.”

“I know you have those redundancies in place _now_. I'm guessing Fury made them a condition for you being allowed to even consult.”

“No, he didn't. They’ve been there from the start. Well not the actual start, but I think I can be excused for not building those protocols into the first suit, considering I was a teensy bit preoccupied with you know, making it through each day alive. But that’s beside the point."

“What _is_ the point?"

"The point, Agent Romanoff, is that I’m not unaware that I’m an alcoholic. The point is that whereas I do have a public image of being reckless and unconcerned with consequences, there is not a hundred percent correlation between that image and me. And while I take full responsibility for that image – I have made choices that feed into it, sometimes deliberately – _you_ , if you’d done your job right, would know that I haven’t driven drunk since I was seventeen. That includes cars, boats, and the suit. I don’t have a pilot’s license in the technical sense, but if I did, I wouldn’t fly a plane or a helicopter drunk either.”

“Oh. I… I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know my parents died in a car crash, that my dad was drunk behind the wheel?”

“No, that I did know. I just didn’t know that you…”

“Care? Understand that there is a _point_ to not operating a vehicle while drunk? I am a genius, I don’t understand why people keep forgetting that.”

“I… don’t know what to say.”

“Well, there’s really no need to say anything, is there? I for one am glad we had this little talk, though. Now I know the reason you’ve been harping on about that night, and it won’t bug me anymore. Feel free to keep using it, I guess, but you should know that I won’t lie if anyone on the team asks me about it. Not that they will, but you know."

"Look-"

"Anyway, I should get back to the tower. See you the next time I consult, I suppose.”

“Stark-"

“Bye now."

“Well. Shit."


End file.
